Was working this morning 8am and after a gross binge last night thought the bakery would be a good pit stop (and it helped me get motivation to get out of bed). bad idea ( not the 'Big Mistake'!) because after 500 calories of muesli, banana bread and half a muffin i was STUFFED and so not in the mood for working. I don't know what it is but i work wayy better if i'm restricting, i don't have to worry about feeling full i can just work and have this awesome feeling of starving. Mainly cuz of that/not wanting to binge means i don't eat at work. as in nothing, which has become totally obvious after these few week of summer holidays and extra work. Everyone at work including my boss makes little digs about 'aren't you going to eat'? 'we're going to get you on a drip'! and then my boss got all macho 'during these hot days we're gonna need to see you eat so you don't pass out'. usually i'm cool with it and i just laugh or shrug it off but today i was all full and gross after the binge so i took a stupid risk and said to my boss that i had an ED for four years and he was all like 'sorry i shouldn't have made jokes' etc but then it was totally awkward from then and he kept giving me pity looks and stuff. i am such an idiot for saying something - it had been on the back of my mind to say something for the past few shifts so people would shut up about it, and now i'm reminded the consequences of telling people about something like this. Awkwardness and embarrassment. Anyway enough ranting for today. Fasting wednesday and thursday (psych thurs) and christmas party tonight. Pact of losing weight for christmas anyone?
xx Claude
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Yay for losing weight, :). We will get there, some day. Where ever that is, we'll get there.
ReplyDelete<3 I'm glad you told someone. Secrets eat away at us, from the inside out. They destroy us, weaken us. You deserve a break, from all of that.
<3 Keep well :)
I agree Bella, losing weight is a big deal, especially if u have stupid little secrets (well pretty big secrets) holding us back. I hate binging also, but as long as you reach your goal (which we know you will) you will be fine :) hmmm....I guess my goa? Is too lose 1t (bs by febuary, then illbe at my first goal. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteXoox
yeah ppl at my work always comment and make jokes as welli just wanna say soemthing as well
ReplyDeleteim glad u did though maby he will stop with all the jokes