I feel fat..

So I stuck to my plan last week until the weekend. I had two shifts at different cafe's on Saturday. I started eating my nan's slices and ate way to many (stupid irrisistable empty calories!)


So Saturday would have been fine with my good week if i'd left it at that. But sunday i had nothing planned...with the added stress of four subjects' worth of study. You can guess how procrastinating plus stress = major bingeing. I'd purged twice saturday night because of HUGE binges and was kind of in that vicious cycle.


Anyway yesterday i stuck to my plan (similar to last week) and today the same.Yesterday morning i was 59.5 kilograms and today 57.7. I gather this morning's sudden loss was mostly water weight, which means if i've gained tomorrow i'll be expecting it, but it'll still be disappointing.


I gave out invites to my party which is going to be in a function room at a restaurant. There will be a DJ, it'll be catered for and the theme is teenage stereotypes. It sounds great but i'm terrified no one will turn up, even though the forty people invited seem to be excited. I hate to hear negative comments from a few people like 'i'm only going for the food' and 'i don't know why she invited me'. it's seriously cutting/hurtful/stressful. Like goddamn you i invited you to a fricken party, learn to be grateful! But whatever. So my dad got remarried at the beginning of this year. My step mum is 30, so quite young and she's so skinny (but more on that later). Anyway her hens dress was AMAZING. it was from Cue and kinda mini, and the whole thing silver sequins with black feather puffy sleeve's. Also the front is kinda a floppy, low neck. My stereotype for the party will be something like "birthday/prom girl" and i ordered a flashing 'claude's birthday' sash.


But my minimum goal weight for my party is 55 kilograms. Still far too much, but the party is soon, so i need something definitely achievable.


I have a major history exam friday (three essays on unknown questions) and the thursday after my final year eleven, accelerated english exam. Also my maths yearly is in three weeks and instead of doing extra revision i'm procrastinating on this blog! 


Nutrition today
- 2 diet banana muffins     250
- chicken breast (1/2) w/ veggies + sweet chili sauce 300
- protein fix low carb protein bar 200
- Large skinny vanilla latte 180


total: 930
30 calories over daily plan.


Days till history: 3
Days till english: 8
Days till party: 25

                                                       step mums hen's dress

The Week

So my newly devised diet plan began monday and it is working wonderfully! I started post period so no bloating and have gone from 130 Ibs to 126. I keep feeling so out of control and full, ergo purging late at night. Tonight i madly whipped up low calorie bran muffins (which are amazing by the way! they're cinnamon and 100 cals each) but instead of my intended 1/2 - 1 muffin, i inhale two! Even more annoying is my dad is overseas SO my nan dutifully drops around homemade slices and biscuits (which are slightly too tempting). I must give them away at school tomorrow...

speaking of school, WAY too stressful atm. About to begin final year (HSC) for english, and instead of writing a thesis I began this blog! Much more fun. It's only 10.15 pm so i reckon another hour surfing the net then i might have ALMOST procrastinated enough to write something decent.

Tomorrow my aunt is making vegetable pasta bake which she assures me is wholegrain pasta sheets, tonnes of veggie's and no fat but i'm pretty sus. I think i'll have to oversee the cooking.

Food today:- Large skim caramel latte (200)
                   - Small protein bar (100)
                   - Diet jelly and diet drinks (20)
                   - Pumpkin soup w/ one slice pumpernickel bread (200)
                   - Date slice (damn you nan!!) (100)
                   - 2 bran muffins & apple sauce, purged (200)
                   Total = 820. Fairly disgusting right.
xx Claude