The only thing to worry about...

... is when there's nothing left to fear.

lol.

So yesterday i 'broke the fast' (if you count forty hours as a decent fast). Had a short 9-12 shift, then had lunch in the form of a diet yoghurt (85) and mexebeans with olives (280). Then for dinner we went to chinese and i ordered sweet and sour vegetable stir fry (no idea? what do you think?) and unfortunately two san choy bow (400 max?) so a good day following a fast. Today was meant to be a fast but mother dearest wants to have dinner, so we're going to a pizza place where i'll have a small greek salad sans dressing. Cuz it's not a fast day i decided it'll be a restrict-ish day, so i'm starting with this awesome rice pudding (see below, 230), then going shopping where i'm thinking of having a muffin break low fat or weight watchers muffin (280/240) and a salad (300) then dinner (salad-200). So total... = 970. Yayy just under 1000.

Ingredients:

• 3/4 cup precooked brown rice
• 1/3 cup skim milk (I substituted 1/4 cup reduced fat soy milk and enough water to make 1/3 cup of liquid)
• 1 egg white
• pinch of salt
• 1 dash ground cinnamon
• 1 dash ground nutmeg
• 1/4 tsp. vanilla extract
• 2 Splenda packets (You may want to use another sugar substitute like Stevia. However if you use Equal, sprinkle on your rice after cooking)
• 1 small apple, sliced

Directions:

1. Mix cooked brown rice with 1/4 cup milk in a saucepan. Add sugar (and a pinch of salt if no salt was used in cooking the rice). Cook over medium-low heat for 15-20, until thickened and milk is absorbed.
2. Take sliced apples and cook in micorwave until tender. Use a GLAD SimplyCooking microwave steaming bag for perfectly steamed apples. Or just cook in a covered microwave safe bowl.
3. Beat egg white with remaining milk. Stir into rice mixture and add vanilla. Cook 2 minutes.
4. Dust with cinnamon and nutmeg and serve on top of apples.

Nutritional Information:

Calories 222 
Fat 1.3g 
Carbohydrates 41.1g 
Fiber 2.7g 
Protein 10g

I'm spending today being the biggest lazy person ever. Watching repeats of grey's anatomy, facebooking and lounging aroudn then i'm gonna spend heaps of moulah on after christmas sales :)

xx Claude
stay strong

Coincedental fast (:

Yayy so an eight and a half hour shift and a spontaneous movie night right through the day means i accidently (" ") ended up sans food! Woot. So i'm going to replace tomorrow (tuesday's) fast with today seeing as i'm going out to dinner then fast wednesday, added bonus of breaking it up. (preventing my metabolism being snail trail slow)

how is everyone going post christmas? Ps forgot to tell you BonesArePure but i totally made your cookies and they were delicious. Maybe it's cuz family are used to butter and sugar laden desserts so stuff thats made healthily just doesn't taste the same, but i thought they were awesome.

Cleopatra three weeks old :)

xx Claude

Fasting pact?

What are we thinking of a joint fast? Say... two days starting like tuesday? Then we can still have boxing day and the next day just in case of snooping family etc. Maybe allow liquids (for me diet drinks and diet jelly). Anyone game? Feel free to change the days/allowed foods/liquids i just REALLY need to get rid of this food baby and go into the new year feeling a tad skinny opposed to my current beach whale-ness. see attached pic of me as a beached whale.

 

So disgusting. Observe pudgy stomach and flabby thighs. Vomit.

xx Claude. Merry Christmas for those in the northern hemispehere and get your fast on biatchez!

The inevitable christmas binge...

The average person scoffs 25,000kJs on Christmas Day. That’s enough energy to fuel a 29km walk.


This stat totally shocked me - until i began christmas day that is. Of course I'd planned to have minimal breakfast, maybe nothing in anticipation of a slightly larger lunch, yet still small. This was because we were going to the Crowne Plaza buffet (one hundred and fifty bucks a person, the fanciest of the fancy) and i'd googled the menu. Of course it was huge, but they had a number of lower calorie options (think sushi/sashimi/seafood, heaps of salads, salmon etc). The minute my grandparents got here with a box of chocolate and sliced fruit cake for everyone, things started going down hill. By the time we got to the buffet there was no chance. I had a gigantic plate with everything imaginable and then went back for even bigger bowl of dessert (think cheesecake, fruit pudding, eclairs, slices, pavlova). Tried to purge and it was obvious i was going to go do it which made it even WORSE when i couldn't bring anything up! Worst feeling in the entire world is being stuffed and not even being able to purge. Another bad thing is right now i'm waiting for my parents to go out and use their christmas presents (kayaks) so i can eat the aforementioned box of chocolates and fruit cake and watch movies... Just relying on starving the next few days.


On the upside (of another totally shit christmas) I got some great christmas presents: My baby (the bearded dragon) who is only three weeks old and smaller than my hand, i called her cleopatra :) She came with a handmade white wood enclosure and my Pop built an awesome white table... 


On the downside my mother rang...and she is getting engaged. Shock. disbelief. You'd understand if you met her, she is on so many anti-depressants that she is just a block of ice. She has no emotions and is condescending and i can't believe this has happened... And they're planning to get married at the same time my little brother or sister is born! (the one she doesn't know about). Shite!


Who's feeling the need to fast/start a crazy diet to recover from the feral-ness of christmas bingeing? Ps what did everyone get/partake in?


xx Claude

Stationary shopping aka my favourite past-time

I don't know whether it's the rows of patterned paper or the hundreds of shiny plastic pencil cases and gadgets, but stationary shopping is just my favourite thing to do :) Said to my dad that I was going to dinner with my mum (genius) and just spent an extra couple of hours shopping. The huge list of crap i bought for school includes binders (think seven of the things in 'lollyshade' colours), pastel coloured binder separaters, general stationary and some friggin awesome notebooks... Jizz in my pants.

After the second annual function (fabbity xmas party thrown by best friends) and getting home and practically eating my way to sleep (disgusting.fugly.gross) i fasted today and am fasting till tomorrow night, so two days. My weight's pretty bleh - but on the upside its three days till christmas and i am taking a leaf out of 'bonesarepure's book and making low calorie oatmeal cookies (apricot, less cals than cranberry) and taking them to the mandatory family dinners...

Just a quick post, pumped to get Law and Order SVU as my next tv series (just finished grey's anatomy - holy crap the season 6 ending is crazy!)

xx Claude

Big Mistake.

Was working this morning 8am and after a gross binge last night thought the bakery would be a good pit stop (and it helped me get motivation to get out of bed). bad idea ( not the 'Big Mistake'!) because after 500 calories of muesli, banana bread and half a muffin i was STUFFED and so not in the mood for working. I don't know what it is but i work wayy better if i'm restricting, i don't have to worry about feeling full i can just work and have this awesome feeling of starving. Mainly cuz of that/not wanting to binge means i don't eat at work. as in nothing, which has become totally obvious after these few week of summer holidays and extra work.  Everyone at work including my boss makes little digs about 'aren't you going to eat'? 'we're going to get you on a drip'! and then my boss got all macho 'during these hot days we're gonna need to see you eat so you don't pass out'. usually i'm cool with it and i just laugh or shrug it off but today i was all full and gross after the binge so i took a stupid risk and said to my boss that i had an ED for four years and he was all like 'sorry i shouldn't have made jokes' etc but then it was totally awkward from then and he kept giving me pity looks and stuff. i am such an idiot for saying something - it had been on the back of my mind to say something for the past few shifts so people would shut up about it, and now i'm reminded the consequences of telling people about something like this. Awkwardness and embarrassment. Anyway enough ranting for today. Fasting wednesday and thursday (psych thurs) and christmas party tonight. Pact of losing weight for christmas anyone? 


xx Claude

The daily grind

(what an ironic title seeing as i used to work for 'the daily grind' :P)

So just finished an eight hour shift (8-4) which feels huge but probly isn't. The looming of another day of work tuesday really kills me. Got the post work binge down to 2 low-fat yoghurts, diet jelly, small muffin and a christmas lolly pop. Much better than two nights ago which was the whole xmas party fiasco. Last night had a joyful (not) christmas dinner with my mother's side of the family - the best that can be said is i got fifty bucks and a salad for dinner.

Now freaking out about the psych in... four days, especially seeing as the wii fit read 54 kgs and last time i went down i was 53... Methinks last minute laxatives/fasting. Found this awesome product 'Quorn' which is meat free meat but really low cal, perfect for dinners cuz the family think it's meat! Genius :P

Whats everyone wanting/getting for christmas?? I've been crazy buying presents, it's so fun to wrap stuff and put it under the tree... speaking of tree's, i'll take/post a pic of ours.

anyway i am getting back to my childhood roots and about to embark on a cluedo marathin :P will update later with cals etc.

stay strong everyone!
xx Claude

Craziest dream

Weirdest dream - i dreamt that i was in a room with my family and they were all watching and i kept shoving my face full with cheese and spitting it out in huge mouthfulls and they just stared and then it changed and i was in the school bathroom puking and crying and this guy pulled me out and cleaned me up...odd?

Also i woke this morning feeling (and LOOKING) HUGEEEE. i have a psych appointment in five days and i don't want to be fat again. Especially cuz when you go in there is a roomful of tiny girls and then this stick will come out of his office and he has the nerve to tell me not to lose weight! When i am obese compared to the other girls.

Yeesh this ranting is doing my head in :P

So finishing christmas shopping today, it's that time of year and i'm keeeeen as a bunch of string beans.

xx Claude

Accountability

So after another day of eating nothing at work and ending up having a huge disgusting binge at a christmas party i've decided enough is enough. I seriously ate an unbelievable amount of food - i need another person to be accountable to! especially over this christmas period. just so i don't feel like i'm getting away guilt free ...
claude

Work...

So recovering from yesterday's binge, haven't eaten (3 pm) and it must've been a damaging binge because i am not hungry in the slightest but downside is i have gained nearly two kilos, that's right TWO. It better come off fast. I hate the last minute 'can you come in to work' especially when i'm going to watch a dance concert and it's fricken hailing outside. I should really be going...

anafly: for me a binge is where i just lose control, i hate counting calories during a binge (mainly cuz i never ever plan to overeat) but i guess they can range from 500 - 2000 (grosss - only if it's like a full day of overeating).

... i hate the thought that overeating just kinda strikes anywhere anytime, for me it's not like there is a 'trigger' (shit word) i just randomly lose control...

xx Claude

Grr and off the wagon we fall.

So we've all heard it. Another bad day at the pantry. Full binge day, mostly at christmas carols so i'm going to label this my 'christmas binge' which will happen ONCE and never again....bleh i am just disgusting.
Anafly: deffs love the feeling of buying a new scale; thinking i'll get a new one and just hide it (easy to avoid awkward parent questions)
Bella: SO jealous i really want super mario bro's! Best childhood game, funnest and most addictive. swap much?

xx Claude (short post, basking (not) in being full/bloated/feral)

Unbearable Lightness

was seriously amazing! I love when you can totally relate to the author's theories and thoughts on ED's (but they never really inspire you to change). So looking at my uber collection of ED related books and trying to come up with a top three/five.
I think the one's that make the cut are

• Wasted (Marya Hornbacher - duh)
• The best little girl in the world (steven levenkron)
• Wintergirls (Laurie Hale Anderson)
• Monkey Taming (Judith Fathallah)
• Skin (A. M. Vrettos)

And finallllllllly (drum roll)

• Unbearable Lightness (Portia de Rossi aka Amanda rogers)

Opinions? Favourites? 

So today I'm wrapping everyone's stocking stuffers/presents (EEEEE favourite-est thing to do since... diet coke) and then doing my granddaughterly duties. Only fly in the ointment (lol) is that my granny is bringing lunch - and you can pretty much count on it being some oily chicken dish with homemade calorific slices after... greattt. Then going to japanese for dinner (thinking miso and sashimi =?) and epic christmas carols for four hours (fireworks to) with my friends = aNOTHER picnic of crap (think Quiche, cupcakes, caramel slice, lollies and chip's.). Thank god for my personal stash of pepsi max/diet coke.

Waiting for the fricken window cleaners to leave so i can wii fit it up. On summer holidays so new kinda diet trend is fruit salad (80 cals worth) with a diet yoghurt (70) for breakfast and then salad for lunch and just try get through family dinner. Mostly so i don't binge when i'm home by myself. 

Freaky deakiest thing. So had my weight watchers scale break, then stole my parents only to have it mysteriously disappear. I went out and spent thirty bucks on a new glass electronic scale and it worked ONCE and then next morning it was broken!! I am so pissed. Is there something about my bathroom that causes electronic scales to spontaneously breakdown!??! So what does everyone think of non electronic ones? like with a dial etc.. I've never been a fan cuz it's hard to be totally exact, but i'm thinking it's my last option.

xx Claude

Wow a post.

Don't go into cardiac arrest everyone, i've just taken the plunge and written a post! :O I've been reading everyone's blogs, but haven't had anything of worth to contribute.

Some updates into the heckers life of Claude

• My step mum is 15 weeks and three days pregnant (crazy exciting)
• I've been demoted from monthly to weekly psych appointments
• I've reunited with my mother
• My two pairs of scales were:broken and confiscated respectively, i bought  pair. They broke. fml
• According to wii fit, my weight late afternoon was in the 53 category. I'm getting my 52 on though
• I'm addicted to fruit salad and diet yoghurt
• Apparently my mother (and me. ish) has a schnauzer called Bob
• It's eleven days till christmas! 
• Eleven days until i get two bearded dragons. NAME HELP: Demetrius, Cleopatra, Rex or Nutmeg? or any other brill suggestions.
• School is officially over *sans year 12 english reading* and i am working like a dog (not really), going to the Great barrier reef, Japan and the Australian open (tennis).
• I've been eating between 600 and 1600 (on rare days) but like usual not working out
• Joined this hectic tennis squad that's heaps fitness-y, lovin it.

That's about it in my life. Except that i got Portia de Rossi (PdR)'s new autobiography and it's amazing so far. Also bought 'purge'.

toodles doodles

xx Claude