Psych :(

So yesterday was horrible. i've been maintaing 300 cals or so, and in the middle of the day i was about 52.5 kilos, so a total of seven lost from last time i saw CT. He asks my dad and i both in, and it is totally awkward then my dad comes out with all this stuff i didn't know he realised "she counting calories, going for low caloric options (wtf?) she only wants salad and won't eat meat (i love chicken and fish! my bad i don't like a hunk of cow) and on and off the scales (how does he know this?!) and its having such an impact on us" yada yada. God i wish they would leave me alone! So then CT goes on about how much i eat in a day and i stupidly  told him how much i've been eating (like a typical day) in the past few weeks. The result? i have to go back in three weeks instead of three months. fml.


We went to japanese for dinner and i got: edamame (soy beans), miso and a seaweed salad. i know for next time not to get the soybeans, they are healthy with protein and shit but basically 200 calories :O that was all for yesterday.


Oh i think my dad was just trying to piss me off. Before seeing CT we went and did some shopping and it was meant to be soups for tonight right. and there are these lasagne's we used to get and he's like lets get one, but i know its at least four hundred calories so i was trying to be casual "we have heaps of stuff in the freezer, the soups will be fine" and then he goes to this other deli and picks up a beef pie!! for sunday dinner. and crumbed chicken, lamb chops and sausages EW! so on sunday i am debating whether to just suck up the pie and find a way to have a small piece with salad or get out of the house and go to dinner with my mother. both options suck. i don't know what the hell i'm going to do about all the meat...i'll have to peel the crumbs off somehow without looking 'anorexic' pfft.

grr. and now i have to go to work in an hour, and i have this crap mind set thats like "you need to eat a biggish breakfast before work or exams" like porridge, bran or soy pancakes but then again do i really need to? i'm not hungry and i had diet jelly so i'll see how today goes sans breakfast.

Ok i really need an opinion girls! the soups we picked up were: pumpkin, coconut and corriander OR white bean, bacon, chick peas. My only concern is the pumpkin one has coconut milk. what do you think is lower calories? there is an ingredient list for the bacon one which is alright but not for pumpkin... and i need to get out of slices of bread covered in butter to dip in the soup!! why is life so effing difficult?!

sorry for the major rant it just feels crap.
btw i am reading everyone's blogs, i just don't have much to contribute :P
xx claude