Devastated.

I seriously thought this time it was for real, like i'd hardly been purgeing and really manageable bingeing and i had lost the most i had in ages but nooo. The last few days i have been in binge/purge city and unfortunately its been mostly binges. Every night this week i have gone to bed with a HUGE stomach that looks disgusting and woken up feeling sick because i'm still full of food!! this morning i am reverting back to my original diet thing of pancakes for breakfast and writing exactly whats in it down, even though i still feel full and sick. Yesterday was the worst, i started the day with a huge tub of bircher muesli, caramel slice, chocolate bars and went on to muffin, banana, yoghurt, sandwich (purged - finally) and then at home cereal X 1000 and bread. fml. anyway this morning i was 55.5 and to stop a nervous break down i am thinking that the laxatives i took yesterday will help and WHEN not if i do well today my weight will drop considerably and i will be all motivated and such. fat chance.

It just really sucks because i was happy at 53 kilos and i have my formal in SIX days! remember that size six dress?? yeah it doesn't bode well with a 55.5 kilo hefferlump. My dad got an exercise bike and it isn't as cool as i thought, it doesn't display calories burned so it must be a reallllly old model and ... its boring. I prefer running or wii fit.

so i really don't even want pancakes but then again i really must avoid a late night binge so i will. we just had all our exams so maybe i can blame it on that? i don't think so. Today we only have to go for one period - computers test yayy!

so plan for today. pancakes (vomit), diet coke diet coke with a side of pepsi max and citrus gum....dinner smoked salmon, ONE small potato, salad = 500 ?

better than 3500 fatty

anyway i doubt anyone read this cause i was just venting and yeah its not the most uplifting vent.
xx Claude