So a few weeks ago (actually one week and three days to be precise) I found myself in the food court after school and a day that was full of bingeing. I'd just had a maccas sundae, burger, chips. I NEVER eat fast food but a calorie is a calorie, no matter if it's an apple or six chips. Anyway i was stuffed so made my way to the bathroom and promptly puked up the food. I may have mentioned it, i started vomitting blood not the usual trail or red in spit but tablespoons of bright red. I rang my dad (who's a doctor) and little did i know my stepmother was in the car and i was on speakerphone!
My parents divorce was finalised yesterday and apparently my step mum has worked up my dad and the lawyer saying i am fatally ill vomiting blood and bingeing and purging every other day! total bollocks but i get she is worried. If i could give this eating shit up i would, in an instant.
So i'm booked into my old psychologist and a GP appointment who will tell me if i need an endoscopy! it sounds dramatic cuz it IS! a week and a half of nothing, i've purged only once and now i might have some friggin gut problem and two appointments when i had everyone nicely convinced that i was cured! eh i hate my luck.
On the UPSIDE (not) i am working tomorrow 11-4, saturday 9-3 and sunday 9-3. At least i can say that i'm having lunch at work and possibly make dinner tomorrow and saturday..
Went to lunch with my mother today, first time we've done something in months. When i'm with her i can really feel myself slipping back into wanting to starve and control. took some crappy mobile pics under the delusion that my stomach looked flatter.
- black jelly beans (alot!) 500
- scallops (3) with fancy beetroot/pea/salad 500
- small amount pizza (homemade) with salad 400
Total: around 1400
Heaps but whatever. I've lost since yesterday (three pounds!) even though it's period weight being lost.
XX Claude
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