Worst day

Not food wise, i can't bring myself to eat too much but because of it i am feeling sooo tired and achy. waking up at 6 am and not going to bed till late on top of hard classes and sport = tired and grumpy. Seriously my arm hurts from tennis and i should be doing homework but instead of the american civil war making sense i see lines on the walls turn to cockroaches and run around or words that look like facebook chat messages. gah.

So yeah 8 till 3.30 classes, an hour bus to school, tennis (which i sucked at) and now i have a shitload of homework that i can't even comprehend. I've eaten a bag of fruit this morning (200), small skim caramel latte (100), another small fruit salad (80).... now for dinner we're sharing one pizza with veggies which is goodio but mozzarella cheese... so say 250 for the pizza (one third) and salad (60) also might have fruit or something after so i can frigging concentrate. total = 800 or so. Tomorrow i'm going to the gym where i better get my but into motion cuz i am supremely slack.

whats everyone doing/done subject wise? For senior school or in america...no idea. I'm doing modern and ancient history, extension english and maths, legal studies and health. Pretty good but i have a crap modern teacher.

just a random thought

xx Claude

Finally i've broken the curse

I'm forever the one who blogs about the usual, how much i've binged and how disgusting i am, how full and bloated i feel and how i will never be thin because god help me i just binged on an entire pizza and five chocolate brownies. But since school's gone back i've been so damned stressed that eating hasn't been on my list of priorities. I know that sounds like a recipe for disaster, like as soon as i start to deal with the stress i'll be uber hungry but i'm hoping not. For one thing i've got a manageable and sustainable routine. For breakfast  which i never used to have i pack a shitload (like two and a half cups) of fruit salad which equals about 250 calories. This's mainly because i have all period zero which means starting at 8 instead of nine and getting up at 6. I'm up for longer and i get way more binge-ish. anyway i digress. So then i either have a skim caramel latte or another fruit salad before dinner and a hell of alot of diet coke and pepsi max. Basically every afternoon i have something on. (Monday - flute, tuesday - tennis, wednesday - gym, thursday - tennis) and i work one day a weekend so there's only one school arvo and a w/e day where i have a chance to binge.

So i've been averaging 1200.1300 calories a day. Not really low calorie but i've maintained it for a solid week or two and i'm feeling sick from anxiety, so i can't imagine eating that much or more.

On the upside i've lost FIVE POUNDS! woot. might not be much but it's big for me, especially since i've been at 120 or more for a good...many months lol. Anyway so now about 115 although thats a non digital scale and i have to sneak to my parents to be totally accurate.

anyway i have to go watch the biggest loser which i am completely addicted to even though it's total trash.

Oh another thing.. i watched Black swan. I pretty much loved the whole psychotic break down/bulimic/self harming thing and the dancing was beautiful but i hate scary movies even though it was just some tacky gore. So overall i liked it but i should've watched it with friends instead of alone on a stormy night at midnight :P

stay strong everyone
xx Claude