Worst day

Not food wise, i can't bring myself to eat too much but because of it i am feeling sooo tired and achy. waking up at 6 am and not going to bed till late on top of hard classes and sport = tired and grumpy. Seriously my arm hurts from tennis and i should be doing homework but instead of the american civil war making sense i see lines on the walls turn to cockroaches and run around or words that look like facebook chat messages. gah.

So yeah 8 till 3.30 classes, an hour bus to school, tennis (which i sucked at) and now i have a shitload of homework that i can't even comprehend. I've eaten a bag of fruit this morning (200), small skim caramel latte (100), another small fruit salad (80).... now for dinner we're sharing one pizza with veggies which is goodio but mozzarella cheese... so say 250 for the pizza (one third) and salad (60) also might have fruit or something after so i can frigging concentrate. total = 800 or so. Tomorrow i'm going to the gym where i better get my but into motion cuz i am supremely slack.

whats everyone doing/done subject wise? For senior school or in america...no idea. I'm doing modern and ancient history, extension english and maths, legal studies and health. Pretty good but i have a crap modern teacher.

just a random thought

xx Claude

Finally i've broken the curse

I'm forever the one who blogs about the usual, how much i've binged and how disgusting i am, how full and bloated i feel and how i will never be thin because god help me i just binged on an entire pizza and five chocolate brownies. But since school's gone back i've been so damned stressed that eating hasn't been on my list of priorities. I know that sounds like a recipe for disaster, like as soon as i start to deal with the stress i'll be uber hungry but i'm hoping not. For one thing i've got a manageable and sustainable routine. For breakfast  which i never used to have i pack a shitload (like two and a half cups) of fruit salad which equals about 250 calories. This's mainly because i have all period zero which means starting at 8 instead of nine and getting up at 6. I'm up for longer and i get way more binge-ish. anyway i digress. So then i either have a skim caramel latte or another fruit salad before dinner and a hell of alot of diet coke and pepsi max. Basically every afternoon i have something on. (Monday - flute, tuesday - tennis, wednesday - gym, thursday - tennis) and i work one day a weekend so there's only one school arvo and a w/e day where i have a chance to binge.

So i've been averaging 1200.1300 calories a day. Not really low calorie but i've maintained it for a solid week or two and i'm feeling sick from anxiety, so i can't imagine eating that much or more.

On the upside i've lost FIVE POUNDS! woot. might not be much but it's big for me, especially since i've been at 120 or more for a good...many months lol. Anyway so now about 115 although thats a non digital scale and i have to sneak to my parents to be totally accurate.

anyway i have to go watch the biggest loser which i am completely addicted to even though it's total trash.

Oh another thing.. i watched Black swan. I pretty much loved the whole psychotic break down/bulimic/self harming thing and the dancing was beautiful but i hate scary movies even though it was just some tacky gore. So overall i liked it but i should've watched it with friends instead of alone on a stormy night at midnight :P

stay strong everyone
xx Claude

Post partae blegh

So the party was awesome, as in four of us just chilled and set the house up uber awesomely (i'll attach photos of us looking like gay ten year olds :). Everyone came dressed up as their parts and the whole murder mystery thing was cool. Only problemo - the food! We had three massive pizzas, garlic bread, chips dips, crackers etc and of course i just had a fruit salad that day (i'm an idiot) so pretty much ravenous and devoured heaps. Purged a tiny bit, then there was the chocolate fountain! omg. we basically put it on the floor with a giant plate of marshmellows and fruit and binged. it was epic and pretty dirty. So purged in the shower (yuck right). I've decided that is my last binge, during school (goes back tomorrow omg!) I am going to be dedicated to studying and going to the gym and i'll have breakfast (coffee) and dinner and hopefully not binge. So yeah, we stayed up till four am doing the girly sleepover, talk about everything deal and it was kinda cute. It's 3pm here and we went out for 'brunch' which was a low fat cookie (245) and a large skinny caramel latte (155).

 ok this is deffs my 'before' photo

 mm check out the fatty food!

I've discovered (or maybe i'm just slow) this totally satisfying thing. FROZEN THINGS! As in diet creaming soda ice cubes! and they literally taste like a raspberry icy pole, best thing. Also lemon is amazing. Another thing.... Frozen yoghurt! Me and my three best friends got this ice cream cone each and you just fill it with half a tub of diet yoghurt and it tastes like fricken gelato but it's forty calories. Passionfruit or cheesecake are the bomb.

So right now in my fridge/freezer i have several things for any afternoon cravings (doubtful after the disgusting binge last night) including: diet jelly. diet creaming soda (plus ice cubes), fruit salad, forme yoghurt and diet yoghurt frozen! woot what a spread. I'm thing i'm peeved about is the fatty meatballs i can't get out of for dinner. So say thats... 450 with salad and not too many, thats 850 then 100 or so of diet food so still under 1000 day before school.

I'll check in once school goes back, i'm hoping to lose at least a kilo before friday with school routine and the gym. Preferably two. I'll cya when that happens :)
xx Claude

Uber quick one for Bella

Hey babe thanks for being so supportive :D
xx Claude

Motivation

Holidays are always good in the way that you leave your usual routine, see how great it was and love it when you get back. I spent the whole hols thinking how it wouldn't matter if i ate that piece of cake or pasta cuz i would crack down majorly when i got back. Um...so i just had two uber pieces of banana bread what of it? Lol.

Got my hair done today, always good when it's in the middle of lunch and goes for three hours. So during the day just had a fruit salad (250), smoothie (330) then dinner had gourmet ravioli (400) w/ sweet/sour (80) totals 1060 which would have been fine, great in fact if not for the banana bread. Handmade by my butter-and-sugar loving grandma so possibly 250 a piece. (probly three hundred but i don't like to admit it). So 1600 and call it a day.

Tomorrow is the murder mystery party and the takeaway is a pizza/pasta joint. Sooooo not good but i'm going to order an Italian salad, a tomato based pasta and a chicken/vege pizza. Unfortunately we're doing chips/dips, a chocolate fountain, slushies and i'm putting out the rest of the banana bread. I am going to aim to eat breakfast, small lunch and have diet ginger ice cubes then for dinner: salad (100), tomato ravioli (200) and 1 slice pizza (200?) and if i have to pick at stuff maybe i'll cut up carrots for the dips...good thinking. Also everyone has been raving about air popped pop corn as it's  fiberous, filling and low calories so totally jumping on that bandwagon.

Anyway psychologist is next friday which again means i'm in that last minute lose-three-kilos-in-a-week race. Thank god school goes back, the gym starts and tennis lessons so i'll be nicely distracted from food. At 55kg SW, need to be around 53 to have maintained and preferably would like to be 52 but we all want to be lower...

Got Cleopatra, Gustav and Olive back from their minders so the bearded dragon and fish are back where they belong. Dad and my step mother are fighting.

Oh i might have mentioned...the baby is a boy and we are calling him Lachlan Thomas (i chose Lachlan :)

xx Claude

I'm Back!!

From two things, the first my laziness and lack of posting. I recall this was around christmas? Anywho I literally (ok three hours ago) just got back from an epic holiday. First stop was the great barrier reef and snorkelling and such then Japan where we got made over as Geisha's, went to a nine floor spa world, universal studios etc and finally went to Melbourne to see the Australian open, which was the coolest if i do say so myself. We saw (in top notch seats) Andy murray, Djokovitch, Kim Clijsters, a bunch of doubles peeps and this awesome new guy Dolgopolov.

I returned tonight totally amazed, I am pretty much (maybe a kilo heavier) the same weight as when i left. This is crazy because i ate SHIT as in Japan they don't even have skim milk in starbucks frappacino's let alone diet or healthy stuff. When you think Japan you think healthy sushi etc but in reality it's epic portions and either raw fish or deep fried meat. Then melbourne i overate with big meals and desserts yuck. So i think it's a combo that i'm on my period and haven't eaten much today.

School goes back in three days and i am actually super excited. This is because 1) i have a killer routine that i'm excited for,  2) i can get out of eating three big meals a day being watched by family and go back to one , 3) i have joined a gym with my friend where we just get one membership and she can bring me free whenever we train and 4) i'm finally a senior so think new uniform, free periods and no compulsory subjects. My killer schedule really is epic.

Monday: Coffee, school, flute choir and flute lesson (get home seven pm)
Tuesday: Coffee, school, hour tennis lesson
Wednesday: Coffee, half day school, gym with my friend, chemistry tutoring
Thursday: Coffee, school, occasional driving lesson, tennis (1.5 hours)
Friday: Coffee, school, beach interval sprints with my dad
Saturday/Sunday: work, interval training

So i'm hosting a murder mystery party on Saturday. The theme (it comes as a set with instructions etc) is mardi gras/masquerade and there are seven peeps coming over. We're getting take away which will be awkward seeing as we're also having a chocolate fountain and chips and dips. Tomoz i have an unbelievable amount of english essays to work on (the annoying thing about doing accelerated) and a hair appointment. Right now it's thirty something degrees or a hundred degrees farenheit, and in a word it is feral.

 new DKNY bag woot

 The australian open

 Fat photo, aus open.

Also one more thing. My step mum is being a total bitch. I'm sick of it and her.

xx Claude

The only thing to worry about...

... is when there's nothing left to fear.

lol.

So yesterday i 'broke the fast' (if you count forty hours as a decent fast). Had a short 9-12 shift, then had lunch in the form of a diet yoghurt (85) and mexebeans with olives (280). Then for dinner we went to chinese and i ordered sweet and sour vegetable stir fry (no idea? what do you think?) and unfortunately two san choy bow (400 max?) so a good day following a fast. Today was meant to be a fast but mother dearest wants to have dinner, so we're going to a pizza place where i'll have a small greek salad sans dressing. Cuz it's not a fast day i decided it'll be a restrict-ish day, so i'm starting with this awesome rice pudding (see below, 230), then going shopping where i'm thinking of having a muffin break low fat or weight watchers muffin (280/240) and a salad (300) then dinner (salad-200). So total... = 970. Yayy just under 1000.

Ingredients:

• 3/4 cup precooked brown rice
• 1/3 cup skim milk (I substituted 1/4 cup reduced fat soy milk and enough water to make 1/3 cup of liquid)
• 1 egg white
• pinch of salt
• 1 dash ground cinnamon
• 1 dash ground nutmeg
• 1/4 tsp. vanilla extract
• 2 Splenda packets (You may want to use another sugar substitute like Stevia. However if you use Equal, sprinkle on your rice after cooking)
• 1 small apple, sliced

Directions:

1. Mix cooked brown rice with 1/4 cup milk in a saucepan. Add sugar (and a pinch of salt if no salt was used in cooking the rice). Cook over medium-low heat for 15-20, until thickened and milk is absorbed.
2. Take sliced apples and cook in micorwave until tender. Use a GLAD SimplyCooking microwave steaming bag for perfectly steamed apples. Or just cook in a covered microwave safe bowl.
3. Beat egg white with remaining milk. Stir into rice mixture and add vanilla. Cook 2 minutes.
4. Dust with cinnamon and nutmeg and serve on top of apples.

Nutritional Information:

Calories 222 
Fat 1.3g 
Carbohydrates 41.1g 
Fiber 2.7g 
Protein 10g

I'm spending today being the biggest lazy person ever. Watching repeats of grey's anatomy, facebooking and lounging aroudn then i'm gonna spend heaps of moulah on after christmas sales :)

xx Claude
stay strong