update

So i kinda feel too guilty to post anything on here. and not just because i'm listening to Tom Jones on repeat.
Usually i post when i've had a good day (food wise) or feel thin etc etc. (you know the deal) and tonight i am far from any of those things. My step mum+dad got back from london, with some AMAZING shoes.

But unfortunately that was the only good thing.

Of course, as predicted i was so excited or whatever (who know what) and i responded in the usual way- eating everything in sight. so this meant at school buying something every break (strawberry milk, muffin etc) and having this fatty afternoon tea with my friend and a huge dinner. how embarrassing. 

Just an update. my bloated fat self can't seem to think of something original or creative to end with except i'm still freaking out 'bout preliminary exams thursday.

Days till english exam: 3

Days till party: 19

Days till powderfinger concert: 12

People coming to party: 23

Peopl who can't come: 2

Foreboding...

So the past two days have been terrible. Last night I started to binge, it ended with about seven hundred calories on top of my already average day (calorie wise). My tennis was off which means I got no exercise or practise. The peanut butter cups are here for the party and I am an idiot. It kills me to admit this but - I broke into them. they're a big bag of mini cups and it wasn't too bad last night, but today i started with about ten and a piece of coconut bread (both of which i purged) and then tonight i would've easily had 30. and dinner. (both purged). so my friend is taking them to hers (pathetic yes).

So now i'm once again avoiding my homework, feeling fat and bloated and have a sore throat from violent purging. My psychologist appointments have been reduced to every four months now, because I convinced him i don't purge anymore, i've learned to accept there's more to life than my body, they usual bullshit.

I have to work tomorrow, 11-4 and i don't plan on eating till after my shift. I guess i'll be continuing my new found reputation and "shy and boring". great. (my new job, quit at my old cafe last weekend). 

So post binge my weight was 58.1 but i don't think the calories from the peanut butter cups have hit home yet. as you can tell, i'm just babbling here (please turn me off).

My history yearly was today, so it's out of the way. the next major stress is my last english exam next thursday and i'm unprepared.

Days till english: 6
Days till party: 22

Quick foodie update

So after the past three hours I thought i should ammend my calorie intake.
I made amazing diet muffins (cinnamon banana splenda egg white ginger flour etc - ask me for the recipe)
I glad-wrapped one for my friend Andrew tomorrow, and seeing as i'm wagging first two periods to study, I hope my will power holds.

I ate five just then (550) and drank a glass of skim soy milk (100).
I feel so bloated, and i'm positive i wouldn't fit those levi's.

Before the muffins I was 57.2, so if i hadn't fricken eaten anything, i'd be in the 56 range! typical.
Tomorrow I have tennis for a couple of hours and i plan to have two large skim caramel lattes and diet drinks. something small and vego for dinner (300) and the diet jelly w/ mandarin i made tonight. 

xx Claude

Tired, tried and tested

I feel like a dead (wo)man walking. Honestly I have no energy, and it just stresses me because tonight I have at least three hours of work to do but all i want to do is curl up in bed. Don't you hate that feeling? Then also i only have one five hour shift saturday, but feeling this crap means i just never want to leave the house.

So i skipped school (annoying) and went to my grandma's birthday lunch. It was great because she is so giving and finally got something back. But at the same time, i'd refuse a slice or biscuit and everyone would be "ohhh watching your weight. i guess you get that influence from your dad" etc etc. slightly awkward.

But we went groccery shopping (sadly my favourite thing to do) and i picked up banana's and vanilla essence for my diet muffin recipe. I finally found/created a good one that doesn't have a million ingredients,  is really easy and low calorie, tastes good and can have heaps of flavours!

anyway i think i might have some chicken breast with my new guilty addiction (sweet chili sauce) later. it's 6pm here and i ate lunch.

My nan also gave me a pair of levi's that she said were too small on her because she eats to much, ergo has a stomach. not sure if they look alright?

nutrition
- diet coke(s) 0
- peppermint tea 0
- grilled fish with salad (tasted like it had butter) 400

total (so far) 400

I feel fat..

So I stuck to my plan last week until the weekend. I had two shifts at different cafe's on Saturday. I started eating my nan's slices and ate way to many (stupid irrisistable empty calories!)


So Saturday would have been fine with my good week if i'd left it at that. But sunday i had nothing planned...with the added stress of four subjects' worth of study. You can guess how procrastinating plus stress = major bingeing. I'd purged twice saturday night because of HUGE binges and was kind of in that vicious cycle.


Anyway yesterday i stuck to my plan (similar to last week) and today the same.Yesterday morning i was 59.5 kilograms and today 57.7. I gather this morning's sudden loss was mostly water weight, which means if i've gained tomorrow i'll be expecting it, but it'll still be disappointing.


I gave out invites to my party which is going to be in a function room at a restaurant. There will be a DJ, it'll be catered for and the theme is teenage stereotypes. It sounds great but i'm terrified no one will turn up, even though the forty people invited seem to be excited. I hate to hear negative comments from a few people like 'i'm only going for the food' and 'i don't know why she invited me'. it's seriously cutting/hurtful/stressful. Like goddamn you i invited you to a fricken party, learn to be grateful! But whatever. So my dad got remarried at the beginning of this year. My step mum is 30, so quite young and she's so skinny (but more on that later). Anyway her hens dress was AMAZING. it was from Cue and kinda mini, and the whole thing silver sequins with black feather puffy sleeve's. Also the front is kinda a floppy, low neck. My stereotype for the party will be something like "birthday/prom girl" and i ordered a flashing 'claude's birthday' sash.


But my minimum goal weight for my party is 55 kilograms. Still far too much, but the party is soon, so i need something definitely achievable.


I have a major history exam friday (three essays on unknown questions) and the thursday after my final year eleven, accelerated english exam. Also my maths yearly is in three weeks and instead of doing extra revision i'm procrastinating on this blog! 


Nutrition today
- 2 diet banana muffins     250
- chicken breast (1/2) w/ veggies + sweet chili sauce 300
- protein fix low carb protein bar 200
- Large skinny vanilla latte 180


total: 930
30 calories over daily plan.


Days till history: 3
Days till english: 8
Days till party: 25

                                                       step mums hen's dress

The Week

So my newly devised diet plan began monday and it is working wonderfully! I started post period so no bloating and have gone from 130 Ibs to 126. I keep feeling so out of control and full, ergo purging late at night. Tonight i madly whipped up low calorie bran muffins (which are amazing by the way! they're cinnamon and 100 cals each) but instead of my intended 1/2 - 1 muffin, i inhale two! Even more annoying is my dad is overseas SO my nan dutifully drops around homemade slices and biscuits (which are slightly too tempting). I must give them away at school tomorrow...

speaking of school, WAY too stressful atm. About to begin final year (HSC) for english, and instead of writing a thesis I began this blog! Much more fun. It's only 10.15 pm so i reckon another hour surfing the net then i might have ALMOST procrastinated enough to write something decent.

Tomorrow my aunt is making vegetable pasta bake which she assures me is wholegrain pasta sheets, tonnes of veggie's and no fat but i'm pretty sus. I think i'll have to oversee the cooking.

Food today:- Large skim caramel latte (200)
                   - Small protein bar (100)
                   - Diet jelly and diet drinks (20)
                   - Pumpkin soup w/ one slice pumpernickel bread (200)
                   - Date slice (damn you nan!!) (100)
                   - 2 bran muffins & apple sauce, purged (200)
                   Total = 820. Fairly disgusting right.
xx Claude