Psychologists and physicians.

Had the appointment with my GP yesterday. God she's way to over the top, all 'ahh you should be a motivational speaker' blah blah. Yeah a motivational speaker for someone wanting to puke their guts up? oh the motivation! i think not.

I casually raised the question of 'so dad did we need to book into chris T?' (psychologist) and it turns out we do need to and i have an appointment in SIXTEEN days! I need to lose some weight!

On that topic, weightttt update. This morning i was 54.7, my lowest in a while but its certainly dropping vvvv gradually. I need to boost my weight loss. I think i'll go jogging, i lost my ipod but i guess thats some divine punishment...or maybe i'm just forgetful.

Anyway, so my bmi is justtt in the 19 range and by the time i see Chris T i want to be at least 52 kilos, and for it to be obvious.

Oh, i got my braces off and YAY i have straight teeth :)

Must get back to my ah-mazing diet pancakes

toods
xxclaude

The plan...Not so much.

The all day fast didn't go so well. Not badly, just not...a fast.


You know the saying 'wake up and smell the roses'? I woke up and smelt the ferrero rocher's. That's right bitchs. Smooth layers of crunchy chocolate disguising a smooth melted choc center. Did i resist? YES! did i fast? NO.

I decided to do the pancake thing again (getting a bit old) but amped them up with oats/flour etc etc on the brand spanking new fry-pan, which may i say is the BOMB. No need for margarine now thank the lord/baby jesus.


Went out with my mother, drove there and back (2 hours) so i'm a tad bit proud :) Also went to this massive book shop and i got 2 ED books; 'Insatiable' and 'perfect'. How exciting! On a slightly more sour/pungent note...i haven't practised my flute in a week and don't know anything for my sport test tomorrow. whatever. BRACES OFF TOMORROW! wow. crackers.

xx Claude

Action plan.

Yep thats right i am some crazed old gym instructor. Pretty much i need to shake things the f**k up! SO first an update.

Friday/saturday were the worst most horrible binges ever. I purged a couple times yesterday, but i'm sad to say it was to clear room for my food (yuckyuckyuckyuck). My weight this morning was 57. So it's gone up about 1.5 kilos...Not sure if i'm relieved its not more or disappointed. Pretty much I am due to have my period today or tomorrow so i should lose water weight. I guess the laxatives last night helped

Today i am going to 'lunch' with my mother, but really we're going to bookshops and movies, so i can say i had lunch and dinner with her. YES! i must do that more often.. Worked yesterday and for once i wasn't a grumpy bitch and actually worked an extra half hour. Still one six hour shift a week gives you what...sixty bucks? ohhh the riches! I'm meant to be studying now...bahaha.

Bought friends the box season for $120. How very exciting! Now i'm going to be a scabby friend and give the first 3 seasons to my best friend and sell the fourth for some diet coke. I really need my own ebay/amazon account...think of all the ED books, diet dr pepper and dvd's available! sigh...

Anyway my first fast in AGES is today. Even though i'm fasting its kinda like i've left that controlled state of small breakfast small lunch to binge/fast. So after fasting today i am definitely resuming the diet plan monday. Dad bought me this amazing fry pan that is 'virtually indestructible' bahaha. He's all like "Claudie can i use your pan?" and step-evilness is like 'Andrew. it's not her pan'. We exchanged meaningful looks behind her back :)

So. here's to fast today and chicken drumsticks tomorrow.

Stay strong lovelies.

xx Claude

Bloated and fat and disgusting.

Ew. I hate myself. I always seem to binge friday/weekend. It is the most uncomfortable feeling, being so full you feel inflated and sick (everyone knows the one). Right now i'm... sitting uncomfortably after things like cheesecake, pizza, pork buns, lollies and chocolate! This is bad even for me. Ew i really am the fattest most disgusting thing ever. I couldn't even purge at school. I fail at having a ED cuz i can't stick to a basic fricken diet!!!!

I will probly be like 60 kilos by tomorrow. or seventy or eighty or three hundred. yuck.

School, shit and sugar.

Oh what alliteration. Had my first lot of trials today, and they weren't too bad apart from sitting on my FAT arse for five hours! And there's another five hours of maths and science tomorrow. I'm kinda scaring myself sticking to this diet plan. Now i think my stomach must have shrunk at least a bit cuz i used to have a diet pepsi almost every break, so two or three at school and a couple in the arvo. Now i've had like one and i'm stuffed.

Last weekend i worked my usual 9-3 shift and i was SUCH a bitch. Like i had been following the diet, and i wasn't openly rude i just pretty much didn't talk unless someone asked me something. I must look like a real freak or stuck up bitch. So the plan-io this saturday is to eat more before my shift, then maybe i won't binge badly sunday and kick start my metabolism.

I've been googling low calorie rice pudding...it's kinda my favourite and was my binge food last weekend. I'm actually really excited, i can just use skim soy milk, splenda, egg white, cinnamon, vanilla essence and a couple tablespoons of rice. My only problemo is the rice. Anyone know how many calories are in a tablespoon or the best kind to use? According to yahoo its about twenty calories a tablespoon cooked... so altering an orginial recipe its:
- 2/3 skim soy milk (40)
- 30 grams uncooked rice (105)
- 1 Tbs sweetener (7)
- egg white (17)
- cinnamon and vanilla essence (15)
total = 184

omnomnom...

My weight was... 55.3 kilos today, and i can still feel food from the sunday binge in my stomach. gross. My step mum has made french onion soup for dinner, from a cook book that says 290 calories. I know she used my low cal margarine not butter, and if i avoid the crusty cheese/bread crap at the top that leaves just soup. I'll say 200 to be sure. 

Much love

xx Claude

what a shit day.

So left a party last night early, mainly cuz there was the most appetising array of food. Hate to get people cravings but there was a huge bowl of macaroni cheese, this amazing looking caesar/potato salad with creamy dressing bread crumbs potato eggs bacon.... Then less appetising, sausages but everyone was eating bread and butter! And homemade cupcakes with thick icing! Then this morning i woke up extremely sick and couldn't make it to the bathroom because it went black for so long. Probly something to do with having ten meatballs yesterday, going for a sprint-jog for twenty minutes and purging the meatballs.

Not sure what came into my head but i thought stuff being controlled for today and pretty much went for it. Started with some bananas and a mango while making rice pudding (with eggs and brown sugar) and eating hugee spoonfuls of peanut butter and honey. Think there was some bread in there. So i weighed at 55.7 which isn't bad. I think i must have been a bit over 54 this morning.

It's school tomorrow and i'm thinking i'll get up early to get back into the pancake-for-breakfast and small-dinner routine. Mondays are always the worst of my week, not to complain (which is kinda what i'm doing) but pretty much I spend an hour on the bus then have a horrible day of maths and science then wait an hour and a half for flute choir then a flute lesson. Get back at seven and can't make dinner, so it's usually some crappy taco thing. Tomorrow i think it's mussels...

Over and out
xx Claude

Everything smells way to good!

Still succeeding at this diet that started last week, which has resulted in my weight going from 59 - 55 ish, which is the most i've lost for a long time (sad but true) and this is definitely the most control i've been in since my ED started (haven't purged in two weeks woot). The only bad thing is the SMELLS. for instance, tonight i was indirectly banned from cooking dinner, i think the 'rents suspect after i've demanded to cook the whole week. So i had to sabotage because the menu was PORK and BEEF meat balls and i insisted on no olive oil and using ultra light marg but still there was probly about... eight tablespoons used!! anyway when my dad was out of the room i drained them as much as possible and drained the onion that was coated in fat. But yeah i made salad and filled my plate with that and two of the balls but they smelt soooo good. Thats the only thing i hate. the feeling of missing out on all this amazing food, and for some reason when you're bingeing or eating normally, food all starts to taste the same but when you're starving everything smells...intoxicating. Obviously i'm just raving, mainly because i can still smell meatballs and the glass of diet green tea mineral water is just not that appetizing.

Anyway i'm working tomorrow 9-3 so back into the schedule, the a party 5-10. have to decide whether i want dinner (bombay potatoes - 200) at like 4.30 or skip. I'm working the same sunday so probly will have dinner.

I've barely started studying for my trials second day back, and with two days till school i don't exactly have time so stuff it. As soon as school restarts we'll go back to the usual, frightful dinner routine (a mix of taco's, lasagne and oily meat/vegges - impossible to avoid and eventually a lead into full on all day non stop bingeing! - i should move back with my mother...).

Anyway of too watch black books which is possibly the best show since diet coke was invented.
xx Claude