Most awkward thing since white bread.

So I have this awesome boyfriend (i know i sound about ten but whatever) and we have been friends slash talk-every-day for about four years, and now its been a month and because we've known each other for ever it;s like BAM full on relationship. anyway yesterday we were hanging the whole day and he said the cutest thing, wait for it;..... "Claude it might be too early but...I think i love you a lil bit" :D

anyway we're perfect in like all those kinds of ways, except we were going to have sex (again the ten year old thing) and we're both virgins, and it did not go well. as in it didn't work.... painful etc etc stopped us so yeah...

The other more sinister benefit of having a boyfriend is i'm distracted the whole day, for instance yesterday and today i bascally have had breakfast and dinner and nothing in between, and i'm not even focussed on it, t'is lovely!

Also last part of Harry Potter tomorrow, can not even begin to exemplify how exciting it will be. Getting dressed in hogwarts skirts, blouses, ties and robes, gonna be soo hot. Casual midnight session :)

anyway must get back to the baby brother and boyfriend, thought i'd check in and much love. (ps hovering around 120 Ibs... i am such a fatty but hoping to finally crack the 115 range, just have to stop night eating)

xx Claude

Another day, another pound.

Slept at my friend's last night with the gang in preparation for a day trawling the city of Sydney. T'was filled with fun, just annoyed the only thing that ruined it was the copious amounts of food! Two of my three best friends eat enormous amounts. They're both tiny (like 50 kg naturally - pisses me off) but eat often and heaps... For instance, i met with one of them and we got coffee, shopped etc, went back to hers. And we had melting moments (delicious of course but also a casual 200 calories that i didn't need), then watched tv, then made curry puffs (and had like five each) then my other friend came with a sushi platter (the only calories i had planned on having) AND a surprise sponge/cream cake and mars bars!! That meant night officially ruined. melting moment = 200, curry puffs = 450, sushi = 350, cake = 400, mars bar = 250. Like common!!! And they wake up the next morning and the first thing out of their mouths "i'm starving - who wants banana bread?" Ah!!! But anyway, i knew today would be fine because at our first food stop i got a skim hot chocolate (milk = fullness) and for lunch i ordered pumpkin soup, then had a minor freak out when they said they were sold out and got a chicken salad. I felt like my friends were death staring me cuz they all had massive towering burgers and chips (ew) so i got this orange cake thing and a mars red. (stupid... yeah!)

Anyway post massive eating at friends last night and relatively ok day today, my weight is 123 Ibs. that feels and sounds wayyyyy too high - much better around 115. I have just started jogging again with the help of the nike trainer, and i quite like it, just a matter of making myself do it.

Tuesday is my gp test, the last one was months ago and she rang to tell me the blood test said i was anaemic (nothing special, i got some pills so i'm not tired , the only bitch about it is i can't give blood anymore!) so i hope she isn't all quizzing me....

Then friday is my psych appointment. bleh. but on the upside i last purged sunday (now friday night) and tomorrow going to sydney again with mother, so not much bingeing and not really planning on b/p ing any time soon :)

anyway another boring post of boringness....
oh except this arvo i bought a super cute dress from mod cloth, tell me yay or nay :)

Oh and got two hot elle macpherson bra's... hopefully the boyfriend is impressed :P

anyway, au revoir
xx Claude

New start!!

With eating, blogging, schooling, family-ing, everything!

Ok so I just left blogging alone for a good few months, I think because i was in the same repetitive pattern - restrict, binge, purge, feel shite. It meant i just didn't come on here or feel like doing anything of worth. Nowwww everything is different - why i hear you ask? Because Lachlan was born!! Baby brother = unconditional love that shows me there is something worth not purging for :) On that note allow me to share some of the gorgeous photos. He is five weeks right now.'


Anyway back to reality. So now every time i go to purge my brain is like 'no there's Lachlan and you want to see him grow up' etc. But the great thing is i've still managed to lose seven pounds :P I'm not restricting heaps, and I'm even having three meals a day, around 1200 ish a day. Plus i have discovered a new love for jogging. I got the nike sensor in my shoe which connects to your Ipod - it is seriously super motivating. You can set a calorie goal and jog to your fave playlist and it tells you as you reach your goal.

Anyway just made pancakes (diet) and watching 'the perfect catch'. Oh - also it's holidays, which means stress-free chilling.

anyway shall promise to update more often (and also i have been reading everyone's blogs, just haven't felt like i had enough to post)
xx Claude

Heckers brah

So again I must come crawling back to my loyal followers :)

Things have been THE most hectic, it is totally ludicrous. For one thing starting senior school means a whole different schedule, school starting at 8 instead of 9 means a 6.30 bus BUT there are heaps of days where i finish at 1.20 or 12 and thats awesome. Also I am keeping myself uber busy so i don't binge (weird i know) so doing :flute, tennis, maths tutoring, tennis again and work. I just got back from work 10am - 6 pm and i must be the biggest wimp because i'm buggered and my back kills!
So yeah just started my period and before that i was a gross 125 and i'm edging down t 120 now. Today i had a veggie paddy (300), 2 slices bread (150) and tomato sauce (50) before work and just had dinner: lemon chicken, veggies, potato w/ oil (500) so 1000 for the day. Not too bad, and tomorrow i only have three classes, legal studies, modern and ancient history.

Ps i have totally become addicted to blueberry bagels. they're 98 per cent fat free but still 300 calories however they take agesss to get through cuz they're massive and they're good by themself.

just checking in, i've been reading everyone's blog (insert bella, anafly,dani, bonesarepure, mich etc here)

xx Claude

Worst day

Not food wise, i can't bring myself to eat too much but because of it i am feeling sooo tired and achy. waking up at 6 am and not going to bed till late on top of hard classes and sport = tired and grumpy. Seriously my arm hurts from tennis and i should be doing homework but instead of the american civil war making sense i see lines on the walls turn to cockroaches and run around or words that look like facebook chat messages. gah.

So yeah 8 till 3.30 classes, an hour bus to school, tennis (which i sucked at) and now i have a shitload of homework that i can't even comprehend. I've eaten a bag of fruit this morning (200), small skim caramel latte (100), another small fruit salad (80).... now for dinner we're sharing one pizza with veggies which is goodio but mozzarella cheese... so say 250 for the pizza (one third) and salad (60) also might have fruit or something after so i can frigging concentrate. total = 800 or so. Tomorrow i'm going to the gym where i better get my but into motion cuz i am supremely slack.

whats everyone doing/done subject wise? For senior school or in america...no idea. I'm doing modern and ancient history, extension english and maths, legal studies and health. Pretty good but i have a crap modern teacher.

just a random thought

xx Claude

Finally i've broken the curse

I'm forever the one who blogs about the usual, how much i've binged and how disgusting i am, how full and bloated i feel and how i will never be thin because god help me i just binged on an entire pizza and five chocolate brownies. But since school's gone back i've been so damned stressed that eating hasn't been on my list of priorities. I know that sounds like a recipe for disaster, like as soon as i start to deal with the stress i'll be uber hungry but i'm hoping not. For one thing i've got a manageable and sustainable routine. For breakfast  which i never used to have i pack a shitload (like two and a half cups) of fruit salad which equals about 250 calories. This's mainly because i have all period zero which means starting at 8 instead of nine and getting up at 6. I'm up for longer and i get way more binge-ish. anyway i digress. So then i either have a skim caramel latte or another fruit salad before dinner and a hell of alot of diet coke and pepsi max. Basically every afternoon i have something on. (Monday - flute, tuesday - tennis, wednesday - gym, thursday - tennis) and i work one day a weekend so there's only one school arvo and a w/e day where i have a chance to binge.

So i've been averaging 1200.1300 calories a day. Not really low calorie but i've maintained it for a solid week or two and i'm feeling sick from anxiety, so i can't imagine eating that much or more.

On the upside i've lost FIVE POUNDS! woot. might not be much but it's big for me, especially since i've been at 120 or more for a good...many months lol. Anyway so now about 115 although thats a non digital scale and i have to sneak to my parents to be totally accurate.

anyway i have to go watch the biggest loser which i am completely addicted to even though it's total trash.

Oh another thing.. i watched Black swan. I pretty much loved the whole psychotic break down/bulimic/self harming thing and the dancing was beautiful but i hate scary movies even though it was just some tacky gore. So overall i liked it but i should've watched it with friends instead of alone on a stormy night at midnight :P

stay strong everyone
xx Claude

Post partae blegh

So the party was awesome, as in four of us just chilled and set the house up uber awesomely (i'll attach photos of us looking like gay ten year olds :). Everyone came dressed up as their parts and the whole murder mystery thing was cool. Only problemo - the food! We had three massive pizzas, garlic bread, chips dips, crackers etc and of course i just had a fruit salad that day (i'm an idiot) so pretty much ravenous and devoured heaps. Purged a tiny bit, then there was the chocolate fountain! omg. we basically put it on the floor with a giant plate of marshmellows and fruit and binged. it was epic and pretty dirty. So purged in the shower (yuck right). I've decided that is my last binge, during school (goes back tomorrow omg!) I am going to be dedicated to studying and going to the gym and i'll have breakfast (coffee) and dinner and hopefully not binge. So yeah, we stayed up till four am doing the girly sleepover, talk about everything deal and it was kinda cute. It's 3pm here and we went out for 'brunch' which was a low fat cookie (245) and a large skinny caramel latte (155).

 ok this is deffs my 'before' photo

 mm check out the fatty food!

I've discovered (or maybe i'm just slow) this totally satisfying thing. FROZEN THINGS! As in diet creaming soda ice cubes! and they literally taste like a raspberry icy pole, best thing. Also lemon is amazing. Another thing.... Frozen yoghurt! Me and my three best friends got this ice cream cone each and you just fill it with half a tub of diet yoghurt and it tastes like fricken gelato but it's forty calories. Passionfruit or cheesecake are the bomb.

So right now in my fridge/freezer i have several things for any afternoon cravings (doubtful after the disgusting binge last night) including: diet jelly. diet creaming soda (plus ice cubes), fruit salad, forme yoghurt and diet yoghurt frozen! woot what a spread. I'm thing i'm peeved about is the fatty meatballs i can't get out of for dinner. So say thats... 450 with salad and not too many, thats 850 then 100 or so of diet food so still under 1000 day before school.

I'll check in once school goes back, i'm hoping to lose at least a kilo before friday with school routine and the gym. Preferably two. I'll cya when that happens :)
xx Claude